Off To The Races....

As I'm writing this, I'm playing Playdoh, responding to emails, and planning how I will get my miles in today. It's a snow day, so both children are home, and I'm feeling the "hump day"effect on top of it all.

(Okay, but seriously, this needs to be invented...)

In fact, this is totally me today; albeit, "Doctor Who" needs to be swapped with anything on HGTV. -----> 


But as my wise beyond his years 5-year old, JD, once told me, "Once you get there and you get energies and you're running and working, you'll feel good! So let's do it!"

With this in mind, it was off to the gym for another adventurous day of training for my second marathon. 

My name is Jill, and I'm like any other small-town Midwestern, middle-class, and middle-aged women in many ways. Two kids, a house in the suburbs, married to my high school sweetheart and enjoying my work as a stay-at-home-mom as well as a small business owner (musician).

All in all, I lead a pretty "normal" life. 

But if you would have asked me 10 years ago if this is where I'd be today - home most days with little ones, sporting sports bras and sweatpants Monday-Friday, never putting on a pair of heels unless playing Princess Tea Party (and by the way, nothing beats a pair of light-up hot pink Minnie Mouse heels), I would've said, "Yeah, right! I am a peacock! You gotta let me fly!"

 

10 years ago, I was soon to complete my Masters in Counseling and planned a profession in the field. This was to be my future, along side a part-time hobby in musical performance. I was going to make a difference in the world, one caseload at a time.

10 years ago, I didn't even know half of these people who now live in my house and consume my every waking moment and my dreams. (I mean that in an endearing dream inhabitance way of course. Not hauntingly...although waking up to eyes staring at you can lead one to think otherwise...) But now...Now they are the ones who challenge me, call me out on my discrepancies, and motivate me to be a better person. These two little people that want everything I can give, and always push me to give more took a hold and have forever altered the person I wanted to be...for the better.

But even after being smitten by these two dream crushers (I say that in the nicest way possible..), one thing has remained of that girl with the big plans; my love of running. 

Let's get one thing out of the way right away: Forrest Gump + Me = Soulmates. 

"Jenny and Me are like peas and carrots..."

If you haven't seen the movie, (outside of me judging how you've made it this long without seeing it!), let me sum up real quick where I am going with this: Forrest Gump as a child had to wear braces, but it turns out he's actually an amazing runner! Like college scholarship because of his running abilities level amazing. All he needed was someone to push him into running. Once he knew he could, there was no stopping him. And cue Jenny's infamous line... -----> 

When I was in grade school, a long, long, long... time ago, our teacher used to make us run sprints every morning in the fall. Everyone would take turns running their sprint, and he would call out your time for all to hear; disappointment very apparent if you didn't do well.

This was the absolute worst part of my day/week/life as, I, yes Jill who now loves running, HATED RUNNING!!! I was slow, at times the slowest of all 32 of us (and by us I mean the whole school was 32 people...which means, yes, I was slower than those nearly half my age). The judging nature of this cruel act also solidified three facts in my mind: I was NOT a runner, I was NOT good at running, and I should NOT run....like ever...

Then one day, this same teacher forced us out again, this time to run 1 mile. Coincidentally, we were running to the local cemetery and back, which is where I figured I would be after this distance anyway as I had never run that far before in my life. But that day, something happened. I had a "Jenny moment" of my own. I said to my self, "Self, you're going to be forced to do this, why not just do it and not think too much about it? Why not just run??" I was forcing that mental "brace" (see....Forrest Gump after all...) of "I'm not a runner therefore I cannot run" off myself.

As it turned out, once I wasn't being forced to run as fast as I absolutely could for a short distance, I COULD actually run! And what's even crazier: I actually LIKED it!

I LIKED LONG DISTANCE running! Shortly after this, it became part of my daily routine. 

However, that "brace" stuck with me in some respect. I never joined the cross country team, never took up Track & Field, and wouldn't even signup for races while in high school. See, in the back of my mind, just because I enjoyed running didn't make me "good" at it. That voice (which crazy enough sounds a lot like that doubting teacher I once had..) was still saying, "You are not good at this. This sport is not for you."

But then that 10 years ago girl I referenced earlier had an "Jan-piphany". (It's kind of like any other epiphany you may have in life, expect this one was directly influenced by my running uncle named Jan.) See, Jan was out running races and having a good time while I was just running. Sure, I was having a good time but I realized it was time to get out there and see what the race world was about. Not only that, by entering a race, I was finally telling myself it was OKAY to not be the best at this running thing. The point was to start, to finish, and to do the best I could do.

So, I did it. In 2008, I began running races for fun, starting with the Oshkosh Half Marathon (2008, 2009), some smaller runs (Seroogy's Valentine's Day 15k in De Pere being one), and then running the 2009 Cellcom Green Bay Marathon.

Jill - circa 2011 CGBM 

I ran through job changes, wedding planning, and even completed the 2011 Cellcom Green Bay Marathon as a relay team while 36 weeks pregnant (Dr. approved of course) with my first child. (I will not show you pictures of this...it wasn't pretty...let's just say I looked a little like this guy....
<--------

After my second child, Julianna, in 2014, I found myself again back at a stage of self-doubt. I had carried her completely different, ceasing running for health reasons at 26 weeks. When returning to running in the weeks following her birth, even with staying physically active when pregnant, I saw a significant change in my gait, my form, my comfort, and my abilities. 

It was then I saw that girl return: The one afraid to "fail"; the one who wasn't a "good" runner. 

I didn't want to accept that I might not be the runner I once was ever again. The one that, after having my son in 2011, was placing in race after race. The one that was running a near sub-7 min/mile 5k (something I had NEVER done before children) and PR-ing in nearly all the distance events I completed. It was hard to go from that peak to a valley so fast. I started to get very negative about myself and why I was running altogether. That negativity turned into dropping distances (changing from the full to half in multiple marathons) and more importantly, improper training. I was pushing too hard to get back where I was rather than focusing on and acknowledging my weaknesses.

A Lil' Ice Cube Poetry..

In July of 2016, pushing too hard turned into injury: It was 6 weeks in a boot to heal a stress fracture in my right foot.  (Clearly, Ice Cube's words of wisdom were a bit late at this point... ----->) 

I needed a reality check, and this was it.

This injury turned out to be a blessing. In the time I was not able to run, I had time to start at the beginning and remember why I began running in the first place. Running, I realized, gave me a first boost of confidence when I didn't have any. It gave me an outlet for stress, personal goals to achieve, and most importantly, it gave me a way to be proud of myself.

While I was so stuck on losing the GOOD runner I once was in speed and ability, I was losing the GREAT runner I was in Every.Other.Way. The way I treated my body both physically and emotionally, and in being a runner who demonstrated a love for the sport as it is: A personal journey where the only goal is to do your best.

It was then I decided to keep running in my life for the enjoyment it provided, but always keeping one thing close in mind: This something that I CANNOT fail at. There is no failing when you cross that finish line. The only failure I had was not believing in myself that I am worth the time and effort to train to whatever level I was now capable of. 

I learned the hard way to believe in the person and runner I am today, and be the best I can be. 

Right.Now.  

(Man, I wish I would've thought of that quote....wicked smart...) 

When I saw the opportunity to be a 2017 Cellcom Green Bay Marathon Tundra Trailblazer for the 2017 Cellcom Green Bay Marathon, I thought, it was time. It was time to not only trust that I can complete all 26.2 miles again, but I felt that by sharing my journey along the way, I could possibly inspire other's to believe they can too. 

For those at the point when they are seeing their times increase, their confidence decrease, and their love of the sport fade, I feel you. 

Life gets busy, 

we put ourselves second often, 

but I hope to keep running as the one thing 

that keeps me grounded and aware 

that life really is 

just one fun, crazy race. 

(This is a Jill original quote...) :) 

My journey will not be easy - It'll be real, it'll be silly at times, and it'll have ups and downs. But in the end, I know that by sharing it and being okay with whatever the outcome May 21st brings, I will gain back some of the faith in myself and say with confidence, "I am a GREAT marathoner. I am a GREAT runner." 

Join me as I blog about running, my family, my family and running, sore joints, Fixer Upper, and the general hilarity that is the combination of my life. Oh, and music....Life has to have music! 

So it's off to the races! 26.2 or bust!! 

Make today your best day yet! 

~ Jill